


Unconditional

by NadoHunter



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, More tags will be added later, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repression, antagonist character acts transphobic and homophobic at times but he gets whats coming to him, dark themes, discussions around death/suicide/religious trauma, religious trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29480496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadoHunter/pseuds/NadoHunter
Summary: A simple question can have a domino effect, when given an offer to grow your own wings... fly on your own terms for the first time... would you turn it down?
Relationships: Sebastian Michaelis/William T. Spears
Comments: 13
Kudos: 13





	1. Why?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MurderInCrimson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurderInCrimson/gifts).



> This is a sebawill fic that started from a prompt from murderincrimson on my writing blog and whoops I tripped and fell and started a whole fic. So thank you very much for being an inspiration <3

Long life… eternal life, eternal youth, it was something that had been sought after by humanity since seemingly the beginning of all things.

However, to William, it was only part of a long… long… punishment. Suffering in life, suffering in death. Nothing he ever did was _right_. 

He was born broken. His parents had made that clear.

He could not count how many times he had hid in his childhood bedroom, begging god – over, and over, and over again to just _fix_ him, rid him of whatever was so wrong with him. Yet it seems like… god never heard him, or maybe he was simply born so bad god refused to hear him.

So, when he passed through death’s door by his own hand and discovered the long road ahead of him… work reaping souls as a punishment… the only thing he could think was…

“ _I deserve this._ ”

Some immediately railed against the idea of punishment before either they escaped, or their spirits were broken. But he never did.

He never stopped working. He worked with the same drive he had as that little boy who just wanted his parents to love him and for god to hear him. Nose down… do not ask questions, stay out of trouble then maybe… maybe you will be worthy… worthy of…

Worthy…

That was until _him_. That coy demon with the raven hair and ruby eyes that must have seen so much and yet still seemed… _playful_. Perhaps it was because to him the world was a stage, a never-ending show where the curtain call never came – and he was perfectly happy with that.

That demon had caught William when he had to pick up Grelle Sutfliff’s assignments after the Jack the Ripper incident. That fated interaction in the circus tent, where Sebastian dared to ask William a simple question he had stopped asking long ago.

* * *

“ _Why_?”

It seems like such a simple phrase; a phrase William had told himself he had brushed off with ease. It was not the first time he’d been asked such a thing by the employees under him.

Every time he was asked why Reapers must suffer; he had the same answer – “We deserve it. This is god’s punishment.”

_“I deserve it, god is punishing me.”_

Yet such a simple _why_ only gave the demon an opening for more questions that he pestered William with the entirety of his assignment to the circus.

“So… You are being punished by god.” The demon asked, hanging upside-down from the top bunk to peer at William with those eyes that had a never-ending supply of curiosity.

William sighed. “ _Yes_ , honestly, certainly you know that much?”

“You are being punished by god for something you likely wouldn’t have done if you hadn’t suffered as a human?”

William glared up at the demon, this fowl creature, his _enemy_. He could not forget that.

“Why didn’t god help you then? Why not send down one of his angels to end suffering on earth?” He tilted his head very slowly.

William swallowed the lump in his throat. “I wasn’t worthy.”

“Why?”

That damned question.

Why not? Why not?

As far as William could slice it, he was simply… _rotten_ inside. His voice caught in his throat.

“Did you kill anyone in life?” The demon pressed seeing William unable to answer.

“No!” William protested. What kind of question was that?

“Did you force yourself on someone?”

“Of course not! How dare you even…”

“Did you kick a baby?” Sebastian asked with a wide grin.

“ _No_!”

“Then what did you _do_ that makes you deserve a life of misery by god’s will Spears?” Sebastian asked poignantly.

“Why should I tell you?!” William demanded, now standing upright defensively.

“You don’t have to tell me… though… I can’t help but continue to _ask_.” The demon explained, now sitting crisscross on his bunk, looking down at the Reaper like a Raven in a tree.

“ _Why?_ ” William was suddenly repeating that word a lot…

“Because I don’t _smell_ “sin” on you Spears, I don’t smell Sin on many reapers rather. So can you blame me for wanting to know what you believe makes you a sinner?”

William didn’t know what to say to that, he tried, as he stared into that demon’s eyes, to convince himself that he was simply using nonsense words to make him doubt himself, to steer away from the path of redemption… and yet…

“If you can smell sin…” He found himself pleading now. “Surely you could know, surely you _would_ know what’s wrong with me?!”

Sebastian tilted his head to the smile. “You have the scent of a reaper, I can sense you suffered, I can sense perhaps what you show is not all that is there, which truthfully has me intrigued as anyone would be when presented with a mystery… you are not malicious – you don’t seek power or hoard away resources from others, you are not lustful to the point of forcing yourself on others – so… in short… no. I don’t see anything wrong…”

Sebastian moved off the bunk bed to stand in front of William.

“So what do _you_ think is wrong with you? Why do you _think_ you deserve this?”

William’s heart sank. What did _he_ think was wrong with him?

“I don’t…”

William felt like he wasn’t even there anymore as the words slipped out of his mouth.

“I don’t know… my thoughts… my feelings, I just know they’re _wrong_. I tried so hard… I tried…” he found himself mumbling and tripping over his own words. It had always been so easy for others to tell him what was wrong with him, so why couldn’t he say it?

“…Then you are being punished… for thoughts that you can’t control?”

The demon was close, normally William would have shoved him away, but something deep within him was crying, was desperate to be held, desperate to feel _okay_ , wanted to be freed…

“I must have been born wrong.” He found himself saying out loud despite himself. “Simple as that.”

“How is that fair?”

“I don’t know!” William found himself biting back, nearly pricking his tongue on his teeth that had grown sharp without him realizing.

Grelle was the only reaper he knew that really kept her Reaper teeth visible… he always tried to hide them… but right now, he felt like his composure, his _control_ was slipping.

“It’s just how it is…” He trailed off.

“What’s the point of proving to yourself to a god that by your logic would hate you since birth?” The demon asked, his voice now barely a whisper.

“He loves me!” William found himself sobbing out. “My Fath…. …. _God…_ … loves me… I just need to be better. And… I won’t let you stray me from that path!”

When he looked up at the demon viciously, ready to fight… he found himself looking into a face that carried _pity_. If he didn’t know any better the creature almost looked… sad?

How dare he… how dare this creature of _sin_ look at him like that!

“I won’t force you Spears. You likely won’t believe me, but even if you did “prove” yourself in a way no reaper has done, Heaven is not what you think. Heaven for a human soul is only more suffering. Those who live in heaven live and breathe on that, humans and reapers continuing to believe their _lies_ only benefits them.”

Sebastian had spit the word “lie” out with a venom that was hard to ignore… it sounded… personal.

“How… How would you know?” William stammered.

No… the demon was a liar, he had to be. He’d have to turn himself in for even giving this demon and his words the time of day!

“Because I was _born_ amongst the heavens.”


	2. Spiraling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spiraling down, what awaits you on the other side?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for dark themes and main character struggling with trauma.

William had gone back to work dutifully even after that haunting conversation. He hadn’t ended up reporting himself for listening to a demon’s words however. Just… keep working, and maybe he would forget.

Maybe he would stop _feeling_ stop _thinking._

But then… what did the demon have to gain by claiming he knew the intricacies of heaven?

_By telling you it is all a lie you’ll give up your redemption._

So then… what, he goes to the side of demons, is that really _such_ a benefit. To a demon, wouldn’t more demons just mean… more competition?

What would the demon have to gain by saying such things?

Chaos? Maybe… but even that.

He stood up from his desk, agonizing, his chest feeling heavy as he paced around his office. Except that the demon’s words made too much _sense_.

It made him dare question heaven, question god… but…

Even before the demon’s words slipped into his mind, he knew… he knew someone had told him before that no god worth believing in would want their children to suffer. But then… that someone had been hung.

He tore off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. No… no, he would not live that again, he wouldn’t think of it.

_She was innocent._

“No...” He whispered under his breath.

 ** _YOU were innocent_**.

The room felt cold, suddenly, the stench of _rot_ , of _decay_ filled his nose.

“ _Stop_.”

 ** _You were always innocent_**.

He wanted to tear out his hair, he didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t he couldn’t…

But the flame had been lit, pure, red hot _defiance_.

He knew he wasn’t cruel, he knew he wasn’t _bad_ deep down, somewhere, somewhere deep down that seed began to grow.

His breath hitched and he suddenly found himself face to face with the man that had raised him. His eyes were blank… William had forgotten what they looked like, all he remembered was that gaze that was cold… hateful… taught him to hate himself.

“No… it was you that was cruel…” William found himself saying, words that bubbled up from some place that had been hidden, held down for so long.

“It was you that was rotten inside, and all this time you made me think it was _me_. You let me _rot_.”

It was then he said the bravest words he had ever spoken.

“I don’t deserve this.”

Seeds of doubt and fear still rattled through him, threatening to make him recoil, but he wouldn’t hide… not again… he couldn’t do it anymore, he just couldn’t…

He realized he was sitting on his office floor, breathing heavily. He pulled his knees up, hugging himself as he tried to steady himself, he felt like his body was falling apart. He had to pull himself back together. He _had_ to…

As soon as he stood up, he was more acutely aware of how cramped and isolated his office felt. He stumbled for the door, trying to straighten his hair. If he was in here one more second, he thought he might suffocate.


	3. In the Beginning...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angels sit above all, and pass judgement upon everything they see below them.

He sought the demon out. Damn him, he had slipped quietly from work, not telling a soul, to find him.

He found him, doing his late-night duties masquerading as a butler. He had no problem letting himself in, and the demon let him approach without so much as a finger lifted in defense.

“You said you were born of heaven.” William stated plainly.

“…yes.”

“Why then… did you choose to leave?”

Sebastian set a clean plate off to the side to dry, shaking his hands off to dry them as he turned to face William straight on.

“I was lied to. I was not allowed to visit earth. My job was to stay in heaven and watch as the angels that were high ranking enough came in and out of heaven, and ensure that _Lucifer_ never tried to enter.” Sebastian explained simply. “I was told many of the things you and other humans likely have heard William. But I was to remain isolated, for the human world would _taint_ me.” He chuckled to himself. “And I suppose in their eyes it did.”

“You… said that heaven is _made_ of trapped souls?” William asked shakily.

“When I was born I was told we need not consume or want for anything for the very light of god and heaven fueled us. But that was wrong.” Sebastian was smiling still, however it seemed rather…. Empty.

“I broke my oath, purely out of curiosity, and ventured down to earth, at the time, to a human I looked rather freakish, and I found out the meaning of the word _ugly_ rather quickly, however there was one human that didn’t fear me, and he called me a “friend”. So… you can imagine what a shocker death was to an immortal being that had never known such things.”

Sebastian frowned deeply. “I saw the suffering on Earth, I saw humans tripping and falling and _harming_ each other over a desire for their souls to cease suffering or at least be at peace in heaven once their bodies fell away.”

The demon closed his eyes, William watched as his face contorted in a way he knew himself and many a reaper to do when remembering something they’d rather not.

“I began asking questions. All of which only got me threatened and hurt. Then the one human that hadn’t been afraid of me, met a cruel end… I begged for his soul to join heaven, that he might be happy and at peace… this is when I was finally told heaven is _made_ of human souls, packed together. Cultivated in life by the lies angels began to mold them to their preferences… they get the reapers to do the dirty work of sorting and removing souls, then…” He finally opened his eyes.

“…When a demon consumes a soul to carry on their existence, their memories are wiped clean, but the basic soul is released back to be reborn as someone else, in some rare instances there are humans that survive a demon taking their end of the bargain. No energy can be fully lost or destroyed after all… but angels, they _keep_ them there, aware… trapped, they feed off the emotional energy they give off, only wiping a large number of them clean to create another angel.”

William stared at Sebastian, his dead heart pounding away in his chest. “Is there even a god in the picture??”

“None that I know of. Any being you could have called a god is said by Lucifer to have left this world a long time ago.”

His story was so specific, seemed so… personal, William couldn’t find it in himself to argue or find falsehoods. But he felt a sinking feeling in his core. _Lies_ …. How much suffering had come from lies? From these beings that had put themselves above all else.

“…When you left, I take it you realized you had to feed in order to stay alive?” William asked calmly despite the storm that was raging inside of his body and mind.

Sebastian hummed. “I found out if I didn’t I became ravenous and violent, completely loosing any sense of self. No demon has ever starved to death because it seems they are simply not _able_ to.”

“Is this why you make deals then? So these… humans have some sort of awareness of what they’re getting into?” William asked slowly.

“That…. Well… yes.” Sebastian agreed.

“I see…”

They were standing in silence for an awfully long moment.

“Reapers are just a means to an end…” William uttered slowly. “To benefit some other being.”

Sebastian nodded slowly.

William was staring at nothing in particular. He felt… numb, like his blood had been boiling so much it has simply burned itself out.

“…I can’t go back…” William found himself thinking out loud.

“…You may stay here… if you wish.” Sebastian said slowly, strangely unsure of his words.

William’s head jolted up, remembering, yes, he was indeed still talking to this demon.

_You are giving up redemption._

**_I want to be free…_ **

“Why… did you even tell me about all this?” William asked finally, feeling overwhelmed in every sense of the word.

The demon made himself look busy by wringing out one of the cloths he had been using for washing.

“Much of my… pestering as you put it had to do with curiosity… call it a vice of mine…” He stated with a slight smile. “And well… the nature of reapers seems cruel to most demons, though of course many of them _are_ prior Reapers.”

William raised an eyebrow.

“You are the only reaper I’ve met as of yet that seems so strict about the rules and so adamant about work… I wondered what had you so _dedicated.”_ Sebastian explained, returning to washing the dishes as he spoke.

“I suppose you get some satisfaction out of ‘getting’ to me then?” William accused, there was no real weight behind his words, however.

Sebastian flashed a few small fangs as he smiled playfully. “A little… you do make an adorable face when confused.”

William was so stunned, out of everything he heard that night, he didn’t even begin to know how to unpack that statement.


	4. Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is shrouded in darkness and shadows, becomes clear if you have eyes that can pierce through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mention of memories of past trauma and abuse. Proceed with caution <3

Sebastian had gone off to inform the other servants about William’s stay so they wouldn’t be startled if they spotted him. The demon had picked one of the many rooms of the manor for William to stay in, and they had agreed they would talk more in the morning. Sebastian had noted he was perfectly fine with William sticking around; however he wasn’t sure how the young master he was contracted to would feel.

William had begun answering in a series of half-hearted grunts and mumbles, feeling as if his mind was becoming blurry, making it hard to process everything that was still rushing through it.

So he sat on the bed he had been fussing with a moment ago… he didn’t really want to sleep despite feeling exhausted. He looked down at his gloved hands folded in his lap.

What a perfect lie it was. A perfect lie that only benefitted one group, leading them all like lambs to the slaughter… except they had convinced the lambs the slaughterhouse was the place to go. He slowly pulled his reaper gloves off.

_Skin to Skin contact is dangerous… you must always wear the gloves to avoid accidental interaction_ …

Touch, simple… touch. A way of communicating with another so basic and yet so meaningful.

William’s mouth thinned. Another way to keep them under control, keep them mindless, running forward towards an unachievable goal while isolating them from everything _human_.

Even before it all… William pondered as he rubbed his now bare hands together nervously… how many times had he really been touched lovingly, or even in a friendly way. He had been grabbed, hit, jostled around… strangled… He put shaky hands around his throat, protecting it from a long dead invisible enemy…

He shook his head, trying to think back, there had to have been times that weren’t so awful to think about. Yes…

There was a girl, long ago. Who had known him since birth, who had always held his hands so gently, even when they were trapped in the worst place of their lives. He knew he loved her… but not in the same way he knew she loved him. It ate him up inside. Only adding to his worries when he found himself admiring one of the sailors that worked on his father’s ships instead, wondering what it would be like to sail off with him and never look back. Another thing he grew to hate about himself.

He forced himself to turn away and follow the path that would do right by God and his Father. He had offered to marry his best friend at one point, despite knowing he could never give her what she truly wanted… maybe if he had done so earlier, maybe if they had been a ‘normal’ couple maybe then he could have…

_She being a witch… actually explains a lot, why you don’t act the way a man should. You’ve hung out with her so much she must have had some sort of spell over you. When she’s hung for her crimes, you should rejoice son, you’re out of her clutches. Your lucky the courts realized such a thing, or that might be you up there on the gallows, or you would still be rotting in Lancaster if we hadn’t paid your bail… which Your mother and I do expect you to work off…_

No No _no_ He couldn’t think about that, he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to….

**_I could have saved her, I could have saved her if you had stood up for me. If you had just told them…_ **

He brushed that damned mole under his eye, a simple mark that had been proclaimed as _evidence_ to being involved in witchcraft. A mark of the devil. A mark showing he was evil.

However, all of these, the nature of angels and demons he was beginning to learn… it told him exactly what he had been crying out for ages only to be silenced.

**_I didn’t do anything wrong._ **

**_It’s just a mark._ **

He was so lost in his thoughts and memories once more he didn’t even realize he had passed out, until he was awoken by light entering the room.

He nearly forgotten where he even was as he grimaced and opened his eyes, only to be confronted by the demon who had seemingly just pulled the curtains open to let light in.

Goodness, why did his back feel so… stiff?

“You know Spears, not that I’m one to judge, but I think your supposed to lie on the bed lengthwise rather than…”

William sat up, back protesting in agony. He had… fallen asleep sitting up and fallen back it seemed. His back and legs were awkwardly extended as he had passed out. Perhaps he had been more exhausted than he thought. He stood up immediately and went about primming his appearance to try and ignore the Demon’s smug face.

“I… needed to stretch.”

“I see…” Sebastian chirped unconvinced, but very much amused. “I’ve brought you earl grey and biscuits. I’m not particularly sure what your preferences are as of yet. So I stuck to the basics.”

William felt a bit like he was having a weird dream, something about a _demon_ being hospitable still felt… odd… and the feeling that he was doing something wrong still hadn’t left him despite the fact he was rather adamant that the idea of going back was…

He mumbled a ‘thank you’ to Sebastian, who was still watching him curiously. He lifted the tea to his lips… smooth… floral…

Grelle always seemed to have trouble brewing tea…

His coworkers… he had just left… the office was small, his absence would be noticed quickly. Not to mention, he had left them behind. Perhaps he should try and catch Grelle while doing field work? Or Ronald? One of them… should he really drag them down with him?

Drag them down… is that what he’d really be doing? His mind still felt poisonous and toxic with lies.

They should know the truth shouldn’t they??

His eyes then flicked to Sebastian who was still staring at him.

“…what are you peering at?!” William asked accusingly.

“I don’t think I’ve seen someone drink tea in one… long… slow… sip like that.”

William looked down at his teacup a little perplexed, and realized it was empty.

“Ah…” He found himself noting only to lecture himself and turn red for being so… odd. Really Spears, you could at _least_ maintain some composure!

“I have a lot on my mind… and it was… well prepared.” He stated sheepishly as he put his teacup down.

He turned and realized the demon had a delighted look on his face. “Why thank you Spears. I’m very happy it’s to your liking!”

“Honestly don’t go getting a big head about it.” He took a biscuit as well, even though he had burned through his tea.

Dammit… it was much better than the stale biscuits they had back at the office.

Melt in your mouth good.

William’s expression that was trying very hard not to show any enjoyment only made Sebastian look prouder of himself.

He then sighed as he collected his thoughts and dutifully wiped his hands off.

“As of the topic of my presence…” William began looking at Sebastian seriously. “As long as I am here, and a reaper of my position… I will likely be hunted down. We _try_ to get back Reapers that have gone rogue and bring them back to try and _help_ them… which I’m starting to think may just be a fancy way to say ‘force them back into their place’” William stated bitterly.

“Ah, yes, I think it doesn’t benefit those above to lose their workforce, then they may have to do something themselves.” Sebastian stated in a near sing-song voice before pacing around William slightly.

“I’ve informed the young master of your presence, he was very resistant, and I did have to explain the possible consequences. For now I’ve told him that you would be… if you forgive the phrase _useful_ to have around, it was really the only thing I could say for him to at least ‘think on it’.”

William rolled his eyes.

The demon then stopped his pace as he stood back in front of William, looking down at him slightly. “There is… one other solution William….”

William looked at Sebastian skeptically. “I’m not sure I like your ‘I have an idea you may not like’ tone.”

The demon merely chuckled before diving into his proposal. “As long as you are a Reaper, you will be hunted down and tracked – your own co-workers may be encouraged to turn against you and take you back. However… if you were like me, well… if your co-workers spot you they may still have been told to eliminate you, but you would be considered a “lost cause” and not actively sought out… correct?”

William’s chest felt as if something was sitting on it as he heard Sebastian speak. He wanted him to join him… he wanted him to give up…

Well what the hell would he be doing anyway? The demon’s suggestion was… logically sound and yet…

Something about becoming a demon, being like this being in front of him almost felt as if he was validating everything that had been said about him. But then… they were also wrong about god and heaven…

But would being a demon be so bad?

There was the whole… feeding off souls thing…

“I’m not sure I want to spend the rest of my eternal life making deals and consuming souls, even if it does mean I’d be on the run… likely forever… or taken back and disintegrated…”

Sebastian raised a damned near concerned eyebrow “disintegrated??” He shook his head, forcing himself back on topic.

“I understand your concerns, however there are _other_ ways to sustain yourself as a demon…”

William’s head whipped towards Sebastian accusingly. “Why the _hell_ are you even consuming souls then?!”

Sebastian leaned back slightly before defending himself. “It _is_ the most efficient way I’ve found. Especially if the soul is high quality. Besides, it is harder for me, not to brag or anything but I’m one of the original seven, I carry a lot of power from my original role as a guardian of Heaven, but it also means I need to consume more to keep from losing control and going _mad_. It would be far easier for you.”

“Well what are the other ways then??”

“Well… the basic appeal of a soul is the energy it gives off from memories and emotions. For example, the human emotion of _agony_ is so strong it can leave residue of itself on a location and haunt it no matter how many demons come to try and lick it up.”

“An emotion can literally haunt a place?” William asked curiously despite himself.

“Indeed. But the point being is that there are ways that do not involve deals or full soul consumption to find the energy you need to sustain yourself. You simply need to put yourself amongst humans giving off strong emotions. You could pass a happy couple and sap a small amount of their joy and the worst they would feel is a little chilly. There was one reaper that became a demon that visited locations of historical influence both to feed his niche interest and to sustain himself.” Sebastian explained cheerfully, clearly giving William the full sales pitch.

“I see…” William replied non-committaly.

“Or you know humans give off quite a lot of energy during intercor-“

William held his hand up quickly to get the demon to stop talking. “I _get_ the point thank you.” He stated beginning to feel a bit flustered.

He sighed after a moment of the demon shutting his mouth and continuing to look impishly delighted as he rocked on his heels slightly.

“I don’t know… choosing to be a Demon would really be accepting I’m going to be on this Earth forever… wouldn’t it? But then…” He locked his jaw slightly. “I don’t really have a choice in that anyway… do I?”

His breath hitched as the demon suddenly took up his right hand as a friendly gesture, despite the fact the demon was wearing those butler-gloves of his… it was the closest he had ever been to another being in a long time.

“I won’t stop you if you wish to remain a Reaper… but I can assure you, if you will take this step it can prove… _exciting_ and incredibly freeing from the previous rules of humans and angels alike.”

William’s heart began to pound. _Temptation_. That thing he had always been told to be wary of, that thing that was yet again another path to evil.

But _dammit_ dammit! Maybe he wanted to find out for himself! Maybe it was time to take a step forward and see what happens of his own accord. That was _living_ was it not?

Living… instead of surviving, instead of merely existing, could he really have that?

He looked at his hand that was still being held hopefully by the Demon making his offer.

“…Demon… I… I accept your offer.” He spit out, like ripping off a band-aid, and hoped to himself he wouldn’t regret it.

The demon smiled, and William felt his mind go a bit fuzzy as the demon raised his hand up and kissed his hand. The room was growing darker.

“Embrace the shadows William, there’s clarity in knowing what they hold…”


	5. New Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, but a chapter nontheless!

_Why do I have eyes if not to see?_

_Why give me a mind of my own and then whisper lies?_

The first think he heard was… everything. He could hear the rapid beating of a hummingbird’s wings outside as the breeze rustled through the leaves. He could hear the footsteps and ramblings of everyone else in the manor at once, as well as the way the building’s wood rocked and creaked throughout. However, it wasn’t overwhelming oddly…

In some strange sense he almost felt as if he had the most trouble centering back on his own body, where he was. As if reading his mind, William heard a few simple words.

“I’m here, you’re right here.”

William found his own eyes again and found he could open them. He stared in confusion as everything before them was incredibly blurry.

“Ah…” The blob that had to be Sebastian said, reaching towards his face as he saw his confusion.

His reaper glasses were lifted off his face. “You likely don’t need these anymore.”

He was met with the demon’s classic little smirk. Though… he realized maybe it would be odd to refer to Sebastian as “The demon” both internally and externally now, given the circumstances.

William didn’t answer right away, instead he clambered to his feet, seemingly having fallen over during the event. He found he had trouble standing up, and had to pat his arms and chest to confirm he was… _solid_.

“You don’t feel in your own body for a while, I understand it’s confusing. Sometimes you can end up with strange visual changes to your form while your body tries to catch up with how your mind sees yourself.”

“I’m going to act as if any of that made sense.” William quipped back.

Sebastian chuckled. “I’m sure it will make sense in time… I wonder however… was your nose something you were insecure about?”

William stopped focusing on his body and balance and snapped his head back to Sebastian. “What? How did you know? Did something…. Happen to it?!”

Sebastian laughed as William went briefly cross eyed instinctually trying to look at his own nose.

“No… well… yes, I noticed it was a little crooked, I assume it was broken at one point, yes?”

William paled but nodded, he didn’t want to think back on how his nose had been broken in the first place. It was too unpleasant to recall.

“Well it’s not now.” Sebastian responded bouncing on his heels and tilting his head curiously.

“It’s not?” William mused.

He went towards a body length mirror in the corner of the room, nearly stumbling as he felt like he forgot how to use his legs for a moment and peered into it.

“Huh… would you look at that?” William thought out loud as he peered at his nose that was perfectly straight and even.

He couldn’t remember the last time it had looked like that, or even if it had _ever_ looked like that. He certainly didn’t mind the change; it erased an injury from a bad memory.

It was then finally he noticed his own eyes. He wasn’t sure _why_ he was so struck by the change in color. Maybe… it was weird to see himself like this. Or… maybe the jump from Hazel eyes to that bright reaper Green had not been _that_ shocking, or maybe he was too emotionally shut down at the time to care.

But now, here he was, that was him looking back at himself. He brushed that mole under his eye. He at first wondered why he had subconsciously corrected his nose but not rid himself of something that caused him so much trouble.

And yet… he could feel that same fiery intense resolution that had caused him to accept the Demon’s offer so willingly in the first place cause him to re-evaluate. He had thought it himself, _it was just a mark_ , and perhaps he was now wearing it as a sort of badge of honor, a part of himself he had firmly decided did not deserved to be used against him. Unlike his nose, this was something that he had never deeply hated about himself despite other’s superstitions. The mark had not been _given_ to him unwillingly unlike the crick in his nose.

It was such a _stupid_ thing to make a big deal about anyway. And _hell_ maybe he liked it. Maybe it was simple as that.

He remembered he was in the room with someone else and blinked a few times as he turned around to face Sebastian again.

“How do you feel?” The other demon asked now that William’s attention was back on him.

William thought for a second. How _did_ he feel?

No longer a reaper, on a new path he’d never been on, a sense of agency and the possibility of a new identity, a new _life_ , a **_real_ **second chance…. There was only one word to _really_ describe all of the thoughts and possibilities racing through his mind.

“…Excited.”


	6. Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The London branch of the Reaper dispatch has a... slight meltdown with the vanishing of William T. Spears.

The London District Reaper Dispatch had turned into a disaster within a day. The whole office was panicking and up in arms over the sudden disappearance of their manager.

Grelle was a mix of concerned and pissed. Concerned because William didn’t seem to be the type to just _vanish_. Pissed because she knew William being gone meant that the General Manager would both be in an even worse mood than normal and be breathing down their necks as he tried to get the office without a leader back in order.

The General Manager was snapping at people left and right trying to get the office cleaned up after people had been panicking, looking around for their boss, and had nowhere to put the rapidly mounting paperwork.

“You don’t think something bad happened to the Boss do you?” Ronald asked in a hushed voice.

“What on earth could happen within the Reaper realm from here to the housing units? And You know Will… he’s not one to take a detour…” Grelle speculated out loud.

She couldn’t believe something could happen to him, but then again… she hadn’t seen him since day before yesterday… No one had.

The General Manager for England, had them all line up, and began pacing down the line of the London Dispatch Reapers. Looking them down like soldiers in a platoon.

“I’m going to give you all one more chance… if you have _any_ information on the whereabouts of Spears, speak up now.”

Grelle’s eyes flicked to Ronald as he straightened up. This had to be a bit of Déjà vu for him. Her heart sunk as the General Manager made his way over to them. He stared at them with judgement and a bit of disgust in his eyes as he looked through his glasses and down his crooked nose at them.

“Knox. When did you last see Mr. Spears?”

Knox cleared his throat and spoke without hesitation. “I saw him exit his office at 8:30 PM day before yesterday, the assumption was that he was heading home at the normal time.” Ronald paused before continuing. “He… typically leaves pretty late though… sir…”

The General Manager snorted with a gruff cocky laugh that had Grelle imagining whipping out her chainsaw and cutting him a new one.

“Spears has always been horrid with managing his time. This information is valuable. I’ll note it on your record.” He replied.

He then turned to Grelle and looked her up and down with a sneer. “ _You_ , You seem to always hound the man, what did you see?”

She glared back defiantly. “I left at 7:00PM far before him.” She said honestly, but curtly, showing her teeth slightly.

He took at step forward, Grelle’s stance faltered a little. She didn’t know how William dealt with him directly all the time. He was… to put it bluntly, a _monster_ of a man. Having the power of a general manager made him even more cold and intimidating.

“He’s never managed to get a handle on _you_ has he?” He sneered. “Can’t believe he lets one of his workers dress up like a freak and get away with what you’ve done. If it were up to me you would have been given an incineration hearing ages ago.”

Grelle swallowed hard. Desperately trying to keep the burning rage within her from welling up and making her punch this man that disrespected her so.

“No matter…” He said after a moment. “I’ll be temporarily giving one of you the position of manager until Spears returns since I _unfortunately_ don’t have the time to keep an eye on this band made up of lowly dogs and circus freaks.”

Grelle clenched her fists. She hadn’t had the General Manager come after her like this in ages… William usually took the brunt of his insults and demeaning nature. She knew how hard William worked, and yet the GM was painting him like a lowly lazy man that encouraged them all to jump around like wild animals. And now… well… it seemed he was finding _her_ an easy target for his aggression and demeaning comments.

“Unfortunately because of Spear’s poor management, there’s not… _many_ of you. So, Mr. Knox, you’ll be the temporary London District Manager.”

Knox blinked a few times in shock. “Er… sir, with all due respect, I’m pretty inexperienced compared to Miss Sutcliff, she’s been around as long as Mr. Spears has. I know she’s broken the rules in past but she’s far more qualif-“

The General Manager held up his hand. “That’s enough. Sutcliff may have stuck around this long, but they’d bring this office to even more ruin than it already has. You won’t do any worse than either Sutcliff or Spears would and _has_.”

Ronald shut his mouth but grit his teeth slightly as the General Manager began dismissing them.

“I’ll be reporting what information this office has had and turning it over to the Reaper Criminal Investigations Department. When I come back I don’t want to see any sloppy work or messing around or else I’ll refer you all to Re-conditioning, damn how much work you’ll have when you come back.”

They all jolted slightly as he slammed the office door, the other reapers looking at Ronald awkwardly.

Grelle tried to smile at him encouragingly and silently thank him for trying to stick up for her, and her experience over his own.

“Er… well… uh… bring any of your work to me I guess…” He headed nervously to William’s empty office, peaking in the door briefly as if he expected his boss to jump out and surprise him, and yet found nothing.

The rest of the office was shuffling with papers being gathered and organized as a line formed to turn in overdue work.

Grelle sighed inwardly. “ _Criminal Investigations… Oh Will, where on Earth are you?? What happened to you?”_


	7. The Color Purple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William has his first lesson on the care and feeding of yourself as a demon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more adult-ish conversations at the end of the chapter!

William still was in disbelief as he followed his well… _fellow_ demon through the streets of London under the half-crescent moon sky.

Their first “lesson” was to be done at night to have the cover of darkness for any potential mishaps. William was half hoping he would see one of his former co-workers, maybe so he could… explain himself? Make sure everyone was… okay? He almost laughed at himself, Honestly, he knew he wasn’t well liked among many of his peers, would they really miss him that much? He did dread them dealing with the General Manager however… where would his anger be directed without William himself to pick on?

He had an educated guess he didn’t like at all…

Sebastian took William into what seemed like an alleyway besides a Pub.

“Most of the humans here are drunk, so their less likely to notice anything.” Sebastian whispered in a hushed voice.

He turned to William with a joyful smile. “Your first lesson is to get used to your new senses. You’ve already noticed your hearing… but your sense of smell and sight can allow you to see and sense souls and the aura they give off…. For a non-fatal feeding, you will have to sap some of the energy of a souls aura, but you’ll have to pass by pretty close.”

“I see… I suppose” William responded doubtfully.

Sebastian turned William towards the wall of the alley. “Now, what do you see?”

William stared forward at the wall with a glare. “…A wall… made of bricks and covered in a light layer of soot if you want specifics.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Try and look beyond that. You aren’t limited by where your “eyes” exist in space.”

“You’re speaking nonsense.” William bit back in irritation.

“You’re being unnecessarily stubborn. Remember your experience of hearing outside the walls of the manor? It’s not that far off, simply _try_? Hmm?”

William grumbled, not liking Sebastian’s tone. He turned back to the wall and sighed, looking at it and getting more irritated by the moment. His eyes naturally unfocused out of boredom. Then… he realized he was seeing figures _in_ the wall? He squinted and they became more clear, he inhaled deeply through his nose and realized he could… in fact… see _inside_ the pub without being inside it. It was a bit hazy and dreamlike. He saw the people walking around, talking, vomiting, dancing, singing… but they all had thin colored ‘lights’ around them. This had to be the auras Sebastian was referring to. Some of them were a shimmery blue… others a dark rotten green, one of them caught his eye in particular, it seemed to be purple with small light flecks of silver.

He jumped suddenly as he became aware of Sebastian leaning very close next to him, obviously trying to see what he was seeing.

“Anything look good?” he asked teasingly.

William huffed, straightening his vest before answering. “The one with the purple aura.” He stated plainly.

“Indeed… how interesting~”

“Can you respond to anything without sounding cryptic or like you’re _analyzing_ me?!” William spit in annoyance.

Sebastian simply chuckled. “I’ll _try_.”

He then perked up. “Well, then lets grab a… ‘pint’ shall we?”

Something about the way the demon tried to use the word pint quietly amused William. It half seemed as if he was testing out the word on his tongue and enjoying how it sounded.

He followed Sebastian inside sheepishly with only a nod as an answer.

William nearly wrinkled his nose, an overwhelming number of senses filling it at once. Of course there was the underlying layer of beer and puke, but he smelled what seemed like strong mixes of sweet scents, savory scents, and disgusting stomach churning scents.

“Ah, you’ll learn how to block certain things out eventually.” Sebastian said to him calmly.

They ordered two beers as a cover for their presence, William found himself sniffing the beer. He hadn’t drunk any alcohol in a while, he took a small sip before putting it to the side, turning up his nose at it.

“Not a beer fan?” Sebastian asked teasingly.

“I like beer or a good ale just fine… it’s just… Scottish…” William answered quietly.

Sebastian raised his eyebrows even more. “It being Scottish is a problem?”

William coughed slightly. “The Irish do it better…”

Sebastian tilted his head. “Indeed? Are you of Irish decent by chance?”

William stared straight forward to avoid eye contact with the raven-haired demon. “Irish-Catholic to be specific”

“Ahhhhhhhhhh…” Sebastian said, smiling cheekily as he crossed his arms. “Well that explains a lot.”

“And _what_ is that supposed to mean??”

“Oh nothing… simply a strong dose of Catholic guilt I think…” He noted, his grin only growing wider with William’s look of annoyance.

“Catholic Guilt… honestly…” He dismissed.

He was probably right.

He hated Sebastian being _right_ so much.

William turned his gaze over to the man with the purple aura, his head was in his arms, it seemed he had passed out.

“Do I just..?” William asked tapping his foot slightly anxiously.

Sebastian nodded. “Simply walk by through where you see the energy, yes.”

William wondered how the hell he’d pull this off without looking odd… though… he already felt a little odd in this environment anyway. Sebastian himself looked out of place. A fancy looking butler in a place filled with working class men drinking their sorrows away. He didn’t seem to care at all.

So William got his nerve back up, and strode as casually as he could across the room. He sucked in his breath nervously as the purple shimmery aura seemed more and more enticing by the second as he approached, it was right before him… he stepped through…

A jolt of electricity shot through him that almost had him stopping his path to lean against the brick wall behind the sleeping man. He smelled something akin to a deep red wine. It was sweet and yet… slightly bitter, it was almost intoxicating.

He looked at the man curiously, briefly missing the feeling he had passed through. The man shifted in his sleep but didn’t wake. As William watched him, he began sensing something else…

Greif… sorrow… sadness…

He furrowed his brows, confused as he sensed what the man had to be feeling despite not _really_ feeling it himself.

He was struck with an odd thought. Could he take some of that away? Even for a moment?

His mouth parted ever so slightly, he _willed_ the energy of that Aura so close by, he felt that electricity again, it felt like caffeine kicking in and waking up his brain stem, except it also set his nerves on fire and made him feel _full_ for lack of a better word.

Then he stopped, feeling within him like that was enough. For a moment the man’s scent changed to something more akin to fresh grapes in a vineyard… and he smiled in his sleep.

He looked across the room and realized Sebastian was watching him almost in awe and curiosity. So when it was natural in his mind to do so, he wandered back to his side.

“How curious… I didn’t expect you to do something like that already.” Sebastian whispered.

William furrowed his brows. “I suppose… I felt like I wanted to do something, so I did.”

“Hmmm…” Sebastian answered thoughtfully.

William took a last look at a man, then around the pub. He then noticed something curious, a turquoise wirey essence seemed to pool in a spot on the roof above. It looked… sad?

“What is that?” William asked.

Sebastian looked up with him. “Ah, I’d suspect a human died up there. Likely in a way they felt betrayed by.”

William looked at him curiously. “So this is an example of the type of residue that can be left behind by humans strong emotions?”

“Oh indeed. This area has been licked clean by several demons, places where alcohol is involved spawn a lot of fights and woeful feelings after all, but you can find that sort of residue everywhere. If it’s strong enough you can piece together what exactly happened in that place, and sometimes it’s simply… stuck there no matter what any demon does.” Sebastian explained, abandoning their barely drunk beers and leaving with nothing but a light shrug from the bartender watching them go.

“Curious…” William said thoughtfully.

As they began their slower than necessary journey back to the manor through the streets, they mostly walked in silence. William found himself listening to the light click Sebastian’s shoes made on the walkway more than anything. He found it… soothing somehow.

“I suppose… it didn’t have to be as bad or dramatic as I thought it might.” William uttered after a while.

“Hmm indeed. You’ll probably feel hunger tomorrow as well, but I suppose that’s not as unusual for you as it would be for me.” Sebastian responded with a slight hum.

“You’re starving yourself for the most part with that Phantomhive boy’s soul, have you been sustaining yourself with things like this?” William asked curiously.

“Yes, on occasion, it’s best in order to not accidently break the contract early.” Sebastian said very matter of fact-ly.

“…Is that what you were doing with beast?” He accused, thinking back to when he had walked by wondering what that damned demon was up to… he certainly didn’t want to have realized _that_ was happening.

“Oh? You found out about that did you?” He commented with a devilishly delightful smile.

“Honestly, you’re not subtle. Just answer the question.” He said, prodding his face and going a bit red when he remembered his glasses weren’t there.

Sebastian chuckled at William’s expense before finally answering. “Well, that wasn’t the main goal, however it was a side benefit.”

“ _Side benefit_ …” William grumbled. “So impersonal…”

Sebastian tilted his head at him. “Your annoyed that the action was impersonal? Honestly Will most of the time in this world people boink all the time without it meaning anything.”

William damn about near choked at the comment. “ _Boink?!”_

Sebastian cackled. “Ah that term hasn’t been used yet, would you prefer I be more blunt? You just seemed so uptight I assumed…”

“ ** _Stop_** talking _please_.” William wheezed, face going red.

“What _does_ have you so uncomfortable with the subject? Is it simply all Catholic values? You know those don’t _really_ matter.” Sebastian asked.

“It’s simply strange to talk about that’s all! And why would you even want to be that intimate with someone you don’t even care about?!” He accused, now completely flustered.

Sebastian suddenly stopped as they now stood just outside the manor grounds, he turned to William curiously.

“Goodness William, I knew you smelled like a virgin however I didn’t think you’d be so _naive._ ”

William’s chest tightened. “Honestly!! I am not _naive!_ I simply don’t understand how that would be enjoyable!”

Suddenly he froze as the other demon’s hand came up and lightly lifted up his chin slightly with one finger, causing his whole mind to pull a blank as his face was pulled slightly closer to Sebastian’s stupidly handsome face. He looked at him with an almost soft and quizzical look.

“Is it simply you’d prefer your first time to be _personal_?”

He didn’t like how the demon dropped his voice, especially because he didn’t like how much he liked it and made him feel strange.

“…I haven’t thought much on it.” He stated trying not to look as flustered as he felt.

“Oh? I could always show you if you wanted to experiment~”

William could feel the demon’s artificial breath close to his lips. Something deep inside panicked.

_What’s wrong with you?!_

He pushed away from Sebastian in terror. The demon looked confused but didn’t pursue any further.

“…Forgive me if I misread the situation.”

William didn’t answer, instead he simply swallowed hard.

“Well, I have the evening duties to attend to before waking the Young Master in the morning. Please don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything… or, your welcome to tag along if you would like…”

He wandered off inside without waiting for a response. William stood stiffly, wondering what the _hell_ had just happened. His stomach was doing flip flops. Why was he wishing he hadn’t pushed the other man away? Why was this the most thrilled he felt to be close to someone that he could remember? Why was he wishing Sebastian hadn’t been wearing those damned butler gloves?

He felt ashamed… he felt… dirty…

Some feelings that kept him trapped hadn’t fully left it seemed.

After a moment of silence, he stalked into the manor himself, deciding he’d quietly follow Sebastian as he did his duties through the night.


	8. Stess Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nature vs. Nurture

After a week, there was still no sign of William T. Spears as far as the Reapers in the office knew. There was still an ongoing investigation. Ronald was stressed out of his mind, he was looking more and more frazzled by the day. Grelle tried to quietly offer her help and advice to the poor man that was in over his head.

She was trying to help him with the built up mountain of paperwork, she could see Ronald wasn’t sleeping a lot either. After an hour of mind-numbing nightmare work, he set his pen down and covered his face with his hands.

“I… I can’t do this.”

Grelle looked down at him sympathetically. “Now Ronald…”

“What if the boss just left? What if he’s just gone because he couldn’t take this anymore? I don’t now how in god’s name he handles this! I… I feel like I’m cracking. I fought the French for 6 goddamned years this shouldn’t be this hard for me!” He ranted. “Being in the boss’s position is the most _thankless_ work I’ve ever done!”

Grelle barely stopped herself from gaping at him. She had certainly never seen Ronald have an emotional outburst like this. She put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s a lot of pressure. William was always putting his head down and so dedicated, I don’t know how he did it either.”

She thought for a moment. “I… I hope he didn’t just _leave_ without a goodbye at least…”

Ronald looked up at her, his eyes looked weary and bloodshot. “…If I was going to leave I wouldn’t tell anyone either... Even if I was someone like the boss…”

She bit her lip. She hadn’t exactly told anyone when she ditched during the ripper incident… they all knew the ramifications of getting caught. None of them had taken it personally when Alan and Eric had quietly disappeared too. They all simply quietly hoped they were… happier…. Somewhere else.

That didn’t mean she didn’t miss William deeply though and wondered where he could have gone.

But… if he did manage to escape, she was happy if he had escaped his cage and learned how to fly.

Her last bout in re-conditioning had left her doubting a lot about herself but… damn if the General Manager’s cruelty and William’s absence didn’t feel like it was the beginning of a domino effect.

* * *

* * *

The days ticked by quickly for William. He was on edge a lot, his case had certainly become a criminal case at this point, and he kept wondering if he’d end up being watched at any point.

Sebastian seemed to notice William pausing and listening at times, but didn’t comment on it.

He’d finally interacted with the young bratty master of the household who seemed to find amusement in his quick turn to the side of demons after calling them so many names. Ciel’s silvery-blue aura that had an almost opalescence to it was certainly interesting, he felt like he learned more about that boy than he wanted to just by looking at him. However it made him feel like… Ciel and Sebastian were more alike than either of them would like to admit.

Both seemed fine with being cruel as they sacrificed themselves to not being good.

How miserable.

But it wasn’t like he didn’t understand the feeling.

“So, your fine with following Sebastian around despite having treated him like an enemy this entire time?” The boy had asked, sipping his tea and talking to William like Sebastian himself wasn’t even there.

“It’s only natural, Reapers are taught not to listen to Demonic Propaganda. And unfortunately, I listened anyway, so here I am.” He stated plainly.

Ciel could clearly not tell if he was joking or not he had said it so deadpan. He was joking at least a little… but he was fine with leaving it up in the air.

“Hmm.” He looked at both of them with a raised eyebrow. “Well as long as this doesn’t get in the way of my goals, your presence won’t bother me. You have a knack for not being very subtle though…” The boy accused, obviously referring to their slight argument back at the circus.

“Your butler isn’t exactly good at not looking or sounding demonic. If he looked like that back in my human days he would have been burned alive no matter if it killed him or not.” He bit back.

Ciel chuckled. “I suppose you have a point.”

Ciel certainly acted grown up, however, he couldn’t help but wonder if they boy had moments where he was still a boy that needed parental guidance and a soothing reassurance. Was this pursuit of revenge really… healthy?

He thought back to when he was a boy and tried so hard to impress his father no matter how harsh and cruel he could be to him in the vain hope that maybe… just maybe… his father would smile at him, tell him he’s proud, and do something as simple as hug him and tell him it was going to be alright.

Revenge against him after he had become a reaper only really felt cathartic for a brief moment before he was immediately haunted by him and everything that had occurred again.

It didn’t fix anything.

Would this boy even make it to adulthood?

Perhaps he’d confront Sebastian on it later…

* * *

* * *

He followed Sebastian as he re-polished the stair banister that had been accidently covered in shoe polish by Mey-Rin. The silence hung in the air as it often did between them, however it had never really felt awkward now that William was a demon himself…

So he spit out what was on his mind.

“Why _do_ you have a contract with that child?”

“Why?” Sebastian asked back with a raised eyebrow, looking briefly away from his work. “When that cult sacrificed his twin brother, In attempt to summon me, they thought I’d have to make the contract with the one who did the deed. However, they didn’t really _loose_ anything, so it didn’t make sense. So I asked the young master to form a contract for that reason” He paused. “However, for the _record_ when a demon is summoned by a human, they still don’t _have_ to do anything.”

William thought on Sebastian’s explanation for a long moment. “I suppose what I mean is… you’re going to cut that boy’s life awfully short, aren’t you? Not only that but it will be steeped in only bitterness and revenge…”

“Ah, you’re concerned with the moral ramifications?” The other demon asked with a blank expression on his face.

William furrowed his brows. “Frankly… it’s the one thing about the explanation of your background that doesn’t make sense. If you fell from heaven for moral reasons around death and suffering… why cut a child’s life so short? Why encourage them to go such a dark path for your own tastes?” He accused boldly.

Sebastian blinked a few times at William, as if he genuinely hadn’t been confronted on this topic… and William supposed he really _hadn’t_. He looked at him harshly, waiting for an answer.

“He knew what he’d be getting into when accepting the contract would he not?” He deflected.

William begun to wonder if he really even thought about it _ever_ or had lived so long he had forgotten or unlearned something along the way.

“He’s a child, and he was in what sounds like a dire situation. You said it yourself when we first met hmm? Trying to jab at me where it would hurt with the whole “humans will do anything in the depths of despair to find relief”. Those were at least almost your exact words.” William jabbed back.

The other demon smiled sheepishly. “I suppose they were.”

“Well? Do you simply not care outside of getting a good meal?” William prodded further.

“Hmm… well, I am a loathsome creature, it’s in my nature I suppose…”

William’s eyebrow twitched, he stepped in front of Sebastian, moving him away from the distraction of polishing in annoyance.

“Now I think your just dodging the question! You’ve spent time explaining you left heaven for a moral reason, because you were upset over a friend’s death, because you felt _lied_ to. I’m willing to believe you because that seemed too personal to be false. But now you’re standing here, throwing up your hands and surrendering yourself to being ‘Just awful’ when questioned!” William prodded Sebastian’s chest accusingly, Sebastian was looking down at him stiffly and almost _intimidated._

If William didn’t know any better, he’d think the demon was blushing with embarrassment and confusion.

“So how are you justifying it to yourself? If you’re shedding off any guilt or responsibility with that absolute bollocks line about “nature”, why simply surrender yourself to it? Why not try and be different?!” He further prodded.

Sebastian was leaning away from him slightly, eyes shifting to the side. “I- suppose I got so used to being called a monster I stopped trying to be anything different…”

William watched his face, it was the first time he’d seen this man stop dripping confidence, stutter, look unstable on his own two feet.

He thought about all the nasty things he’d been called over the years. On one level he supposed he understood, when under pressure and accused of being a witch by his whole village, and his parents had just stood there and watched in disgust and did nothing to help him despite his pleading… he had begun loudly cursing everyone in anger. The memory was unpleasant. The desperation for someone to just… hear him, help him, and in that moment he had thought “ _If I’m so deplorable, and they all see me as a witch, a sodomite, a disgusting sinful human, then maybe that’s what I’ll be”_.

There were sometimes he lashed out and acted on his anger. If he would never be accepted, treated so badly, told he was disgusting… a sodomite… a degenerate… lazy… good for nothing… any number of things, there was certainly that feeling of _‘why try to be anything else?’_

That being said…

“…You shouldn’t sit there and prove those voices right then…” He muttered, slightly talking to himself as well.

Sebastian slowly tilted his head. “…would you suggest I give up my contract and abandon the young master?”

William looked back at him, the demon’s tone and quizzical furrow of his brows seemed as if… he was genuinely asking.

“…If nothing else, perhaps you should wait until he’s an adult to see if he really wants what he thinks he does now. _Without_ you pushing him down the path of revenge. I simply think he should at least get to grow up and have an informed choice and a _shot_ at life no matter how wretched it can be.” William suggested.

“I don’t think I’m pushing…”

“You are.” William interrupted.

“Why are you so sure??” Sebastian answered, looking affronted.

“You’re an adult, anyone can see that that boy is looking at you as a parental figure whether you like it or not. Even with the dread of a contract you saved him from a horrible situation after he lost his whole family.” He looked Sebastian dead in the eye. “ _You_ fell after the death of someone you cared about, I’m sure you understand those feelings well.”

Sebastian locked his jaw and his eyes went wide in realization as the gears began turning. “…I suppose I do. When I realized… when I began to fall… I reached out and tore at and attacked the first face that had ever lied to me, all I wished to do was exact revenge in the hopes the horrific feelings would leave me.”

William raised an eyebrow. “Did they?”

“…No….” Sebastian replied slowly.

“Ah, so even as an angel about to be demon… you didn’t know your own mind enough to know revenge wasn’t _really_ what you wanted or needed?”

“…I’m beginning to see your point.”

William nodded almost triumphantly. “So why do you think it’s what is _really_ best for a human child? Why are you fine with just encouraging him to believe that’s what he wants more than anything?”

Sebastian shifted his stance warily. It was curious, he almost looked… vulnerable. William wondered… was this really the first time anyone had confronted him or tried to analyze him? Did he even ever stop and analyze himself on this? Or had he let himself go too far? Maybe this would also help teach him how it feels when he gets cocky and analyzes others around him.

“I don’t think I _was_ thinking of that in the slightest.” He admitted after a moment.

“Was it just about his soul then?”

Sebastian bit his lip and thought for a moment. “…No…I-I think… he reminds me of myself. I think I’ve always seen him like that.”

William stared at him, a thought dawning on him. What he had sensed before when the two were in the room…

“That’s what’s happening… you’re leading him down the path you went down, aren’t you?” He asked, not really accusing the demon, simply realizing suddenly he seemed more…. Human… than he previously could have conceived with all of this being’s bravado and masks he wore.

Sebastian blinked. “That’s certainly not my intention.”

“Intention or not that seems like what you’re doing… except at the end you’re going to kill him while he’s still young.”

Silence blossomed between them, this time it _was_ uncomfortable.

“…Do you think me vile Spears? Evil?” The demon asked slowly.

William was taken aback by the question.

“Honestly, why do you even care what my answer might be?” William asked, turning away with a huff.

“I don’t know…” The demon stated. It seemed he really didn’t. “But I still wish to know.”

“I think if you go through with this contract in the way you’ve agreed upon it, your actions will be incredibly evil, selfish and callous. You will confirm everything ever thought about you, whether most demons are like you or not. You will prove yourself a monster that preys on and manipulates his victims.” He stated honestly. “At least with an adult, they’ve had experience, they’ve had a life before you stepped into it. That boy has never had a choice.”

“I see…”

William turned away from Sebastian’s downturned face. “…I’d like to think of you as not evil. Currently, I think you’re an egotistical prick, an impish annoyance, and a misguided being that is surrendering himself to nature and trapping himself in a box.”

“You’re very blunt aren’t you Spears?” The other demon said almost defensively.

“Would you rather have me lie to you?” He snapped back.

“No…”

“I didn’t think so.” He huffed.

Sebastian turned and quietly went back to polishing the same spot he had already done a moment ago.

“I don’t… think you’re irredeemable or completely awful currently… if you were I wouldn’t be here.” William said quietly and honestly, taking a step away.

“…I could have been lying to you.” Sebastian replied

“You could have been.”

They finally looked at each other for a long moment. Sebastian closed his eyes and sighed, putting down the polishing rag in defeat.

“I’m not sure what you’re doing to me Spears.”

William wanted to say the exact same line… but didn’t, for now.


	9. Found You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is it like to consume a soul?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> light tw for hints at domestic abuse and an non-important character death. Not super graphic.

The air had been a little more awkward between them since that day. William had stalked out into London on his own this time, during the day, sampling Auras here and there from passersby as he walked, some to fill the hunger he had begun feeling, and some out of pure curiosity. The day was nice… a little thick with pollutants, but generally soft and surprisingly sunny, nonetheless.

It was then he passed a man with a deep red aura, as soon as he had a quiet taste of it he paused and glared forward. Certainly it had been filling and not had a _bad_ taste or scent to it… however there was a layer within it that just gave him a feeling there was something _vile_ about this man… he was doing something deplorable.

Against his better judgement he turned and slipped into the alleyways before leaping swiftly and silently up onto the roof above. He began stalking the gaunt man through the streets of the city. He had the ugliest mutton-chops William had seen in a while.

He entered one of the many buildings that housed flats, and William found himself dropping to the ground, and moving much like a cat off the side of the roof and somehow managed to keep sticking vertically to the side of the building, all instinctively. He then pried one of the windows open in what he could sense was this human’s flat and slipped inside. He began to feel almost as if he was part of the shadows, and felt hidden much like he had been able to do as a reaper when hiding from humans.

He felt confident in exploring this man’s flat, simply knowing that he wouldn’t be seen. There were broken bottles everywhere, he could see and smell emotional residue everywhere, there seemed to be splashes of sorrow and terror – in other places, blind rage. He froze as he noticed another soul in the house, there was a lone woman tiredly picking up some of the bottles.

The wisps of emotional residue seemed tell a story, he could almost see them take the form of outlines of people, he could see an outline of the man he had seen charging at the woman, fists clenched, her trying to escape him in terror, moments of him screaming and throwing things at her in a blind rage.

His blood boiled. That man was charging up the stairs to the flat, walking aggressively, He was going to torture his wife one way or another tonight.

He wasn’t sure what drew him here, yet he made a firm and solid decision while barely thinking about it. He wouldn’t let him make it to her.

He was sure he must now fully be something more like a shadow without a shape because he was able to slip through a crack in the front door of the flat to wait for this despicable man at the top of the stairs.

He seethed as the man rounded the corner to take the final flight of stairs. He was going to do this… he was really going to do this…

When the man reached the final step, he found himself taking human shape again, fingernails looking more like claws, he reached out and grabbed the man’s arm callously, He yelled in surprise… and with nothing but a flick of his wrist, William threw him back, sending this man falling back down the stairs he had just climbed… sending him down… down… for good measure he rushed after him, not unlike a panther and gave the man another shove when it looked like he might have desperately caught himself from falling more.

He landed at the bottom of the flight of stairs, bruised, battered… life slipping away. That’s when William could see it… _smell_ it. His soul that inhabited every part of his body, slowly retreating and collecting in his chest as his body tried to cling to it. It was mesmerizing, incredible… he had to take it for himself…

He walked forward slowly, the man with what consciousness he had left looking at him and trying to thrash in pure terror. He reached out towards that soul, clawed hands beckoning the glowing red orb to fully leave its host.

His canines and premolars felt elongated and sharp, a full carnivore ready to tear apart his prey. Something in the back of his mind felt… scared of himself. But this felt _right_ , it felt like some sort of _justice_.

He held the soul in the palm of his hand, it becoming warmer as the body below grew cold. He lifted it to his lips and…

The sensation of consuming a soul was curious. It was energizing, he briefly felt what had to be the same blind anger that the man had let eat him up before a wave of calm washed over him. He felt invigorated, full… strong… like he could do anything.

He sighed, and realized a completely blank ball of light floated briefly before him, completely wiped of everything before floating away and drifting up to who knows where…

William stared forward. He felt himself again… no extra fangs or claws…

What the hell did he just do?

He stared at the body and began to panic. He just consumed a soul. He murdered a human and took their soul… Everything he had done since the moment he passed through that man’s aura had been almost entirely on instinct.

He panicked further, if a Reaper wasn’t already here looking for this deceased man and their lost soul, they would be soon… almost on cue he suddenly became very aware of someone running and something sharp heading towards his head. He dodged to the side instinctively in a panic, whipping around to see who it was.

He recognized one of the newer employees in his office looking at him wide eyed. They were so new they hadn’t their official scythe yet. Were they really sending out trainees to do fieldwork? Now that he thought of it… he had left, Alan and Eric had left… Grelle and Ronald would be the only experienced field workers _really_. Where were they?

“Boss… you…” The young reaper said, before looking at William’s eyes, and the body with the very much not-there soul. “You… You!!” He stammered before shaking his head and rushing towards him with his training scythe.

William dodged, but was thinking if he was still this reaper’s boss… he would advise them 1. Not to attack or engage with a demon that just fed and 2. Especially don’t attack when you have nothing but a basic scythe and no experience.

But then they were also always told to eliminate a demon or attack them to prevent them from stealing souls if able.

His attacks were hectic and uncoordinated. The young auburn-haired reaper with round glasses looked upset at what he was doing.

“Alex, simply leave. I don’t wish to harm you.” William pleaded as the scythe sliced through the air uncomfortably close to his neck.

“I…I won’t listen to you! Not when you’re one of _them_!” He shot back with a woeful cry.

William sighed, he backed away quickly before charging forward and leaping, tackling the man swiftly and slamming his palm down against the ground, knocking his scythe out of his hand.

He was looking up at him with wide terrified eyes, glasses slightly askew. William inhaled slightly. Was this how all reapers smelled to a demon? Or was it just Alex here? He gave him hits of what he could mostly describe as something like roasted coffee. Either way he leapt off Alex, starting to wonder what was with him and leaping around like a feline today and grabbed the scythe from the ground.

Alex scrambled to his feet, backing up in terror as William looked at the small scythe in his hand.

He tossed it up in the air and caught it, feeling a little impish. He then tossed the scythe so it landed in the wood at Alex’s feet, who jumped and looked up at William in confusion.

“…Tell Sutcliff to come find me if she can ensure she won’t get in trouble.” He said before turning away, confident the confused and terrified Reaper wouldn’t attack him.

He wasn’t sure exactly why he had made the request in the moment but… he did know he had to be leaving Grelle and Ronald with a lot. Even if they may not miss him or his harsh demeanor, he did want to make sure they were… okay…

But for now he had to get back to Sebastian and ask for advice or… ask him questions or… something… _something_ to quell this feeling of panic in his body.


	10. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grelle learns of what's become of William, Sebastian and William grow closer to each other.

Grelle sighed as she pulled her scythe from the body she had just completed reaping. She felt horrible, She’d been up almost 24 hours. She was trying to have as many of the newer reapers coming in shadow her as possible to have a larger workforce again, but she was only one woman for heaven’s sake! Ronald had put in an order begging for help from other districts if any had even one or two people to spare, but there was no word as of yet.

It was then that one of the young reapers she had taken out with her as part of the team to try and take care of several jobs in the area clumsily came running over, nearly tripping as he ran to her in a panic.

“Well well, I know I’m a beautiful sight to behold, but there’s no need to rush back to my side!” She teased, making her notes, expecting he was simply coming back in a hurry from a reaping.

“No! Ma’am! Er… well yes you are but that’s not why I was rushing back. I saw… I saw…!” He panted trying to catch his breath as he stopped. “I saw Mr. Spears.”

She stared at him wide eyed and clapped her book shut, letting it disappear in her hand. “You saw Will?”

He nodded vigorously. “I-I fought him…”

“What?!”

“He… He took the soul I was supposed to reap, he’s.. he’s one of _them_ now. A… A demon…” Alex explained in a hurry.

She stared at him. She couldn’t believe her ears. William?! _Her_ William had vanished and become a demon? How did he even manage it?!

She had never expected him to do such a thing, in a lot of ways she had expected him to _never_ crack, at least not before her or Ronald. The fact he had left potentially at all still baffled her beyond belief.

“You’re _sure_ it was him?” She asked, needing to hear confirmation.

“I’m sure ma’am.” Alex replied. “Absolutely certain. He looked the same except for the eyes and uh… no glasses.”

Her heart sank.

“He asked… he… told me to tell you to find him if you can manage to do it without getting in trouble.” He stated nervously.

William was asking for her? Well, it did ease her mind slightly that he at least hadn’t completely abandoned them all. She still couldn’t decide if she was mad or not at him.

“This is… unexpected…” was all she could manage in response.

She looked at Alex who was practically shaking and hummed, tapping his forehead with her gloved hand.

“Well, lets keep this to ourselves for the time being hmm?”

He stared up at her warily. “But aren’t we supposed to report…”

“William did a lot for us for a very long time, out of respect for him just this once, especially since he didn’t rip you to bits when you fought him… lets let him go without reporting him for now.” She pleaded. “You can put in your report that your soul was snatched by a demon but you need not put anymore than that.”

Alex considered it for a moment before nodding. “Yes Ma’am, I can do that.”

She nearly let out an audible sigh of relief. “Good.”

For the time being, her lips were also sealed, she’d have to figure out when she could slip out alone… ever since the Ripper incident she hadn’t been allowed to do field work alone for a while anyway, and now… with all these trainees on her tail, how was she ever going to slip away to confront William?

She’d have to bide her time, she decided.

She wondered briefly if she should let Ronald know… she knew she had certainly been doting on and adoring William for quite some time, but Ronald… well, she could see the way he had looked at Will. It was obvious that this was also quite emotionally devastating for him too on top of the stress.

_Oh Will… you heartbreaker._

* * *

* * *

William rushed back to the manor after leaving his encounter, trying to find Sebastian straight away. It didn’t take long to find the other demon sighing as he was cleaning up what seemed like a quite a lot of water in the hall. What mishap with the other servants had happened to cause this…? …No matter.

“Sebastian… I did something…” He began, realizing he was more panicked than he realized.

He paused and looked up only to look a bit startled. “Ah… Spears, your eyes are glowing.”

William jumped. “Are they???”

Sebastian put his mop to the side and approached him. “Just calm down and they’ll stop, what happened?”

William tried to ease his buzzing mind. “I… consumed a soul…”

Sebastian froze. “ _You? **You**_ did?”

“Yes! **_I_ **did!” He snapped anxiously.

He took in a deep breath despite being _pretty_ sure he didn’t really HAVE to breath to try and calm down. “I was simply walking through London, only passing through the occasional aura, then I passed through one that… I don’t know, I felt like I _had_ to hunt it, like… if I let it go about its business, I’d be letting someone do something horrible. And he was, the damned wife-beater…”

Sebastian’s eyes wandered over him. “William, pardon for the intrusion on your personal life, but does this type of person have some sort of… _significance_ to you? Someone you would have a _personal_ grudge or need to eliminate or have power over?”

William’s shoulders tensed.

Yes. Yes it did.

“I suppose so.” William admitted.

Sebastian sighed. “You’ll have to forgive me William, I neglected this as a possibility, I should have stuck by your side…”

William shook his head. “I don’t blame you exactly… I’m more… well I don’t know how I feel. I feel justified in some way… being a reaper, or rather having been one, _means_ I’ve killed plenty of times callously without emotion, so that’s not the problem. It’s more…”

“Hmm, perhaps you felt out of control?” Sebastian suggested.

“Perhaps… I think that may be it. I felt driven by instincts… I was moving around like some sort of cat or panther too when I was… hunting this man? I suppose? It was strange? At one moment I felt as if I didn’t have a solid form at all, I merely existed… Do all demons do that??” William stammered, trying to think over that other sort of demonic being he had slipped into.

Sebastian simply stared at him. “Like… a feline?” fixating on that part of William’s explanation.

William felt like shriveling up. “Is that unusual!?”

Was the other demon turning red in the face?

“No! No! Not at all, I was simply…” Sebastian cleared his throat. “Well you see, every demon has a sort of affinity with a certain type of animal, I for one am a demon that takes after a Raven. We can take on certain characteristics or have similar hunting habits to those animals. Especially in our most demonic form.”

“That’s an odd detail, why is that?” William asked.

Sebastian shrugged. “It’s sort of always been that way. I’m not entirely sure why.”

“Is Lucifer really snake like then?” He asked curiously.

“Oh of course.” Sebastian confirmed.

“Hmmm…”

Sebastian looked William over. “So… you may be some sort of cat demon? I knew there was a reason I liked you…”

William jolted. “ _Liked_ me? Also, why does me being some sort of affinity with cats or likeness to them make you think that?”

“I _adore_ cats you see, they’re the most perfect animals to exist, truly.” Sebastian explained almost wistfully.

William felt warm in the face at that comment.

“Well, what sort of Raven like qualities do you have then outside of generally having that sort of hair and a bird-like face?”

To be quite honest, William realized some of this demons underlying bird like qualities may have been one reason why he had been willing to hear him out in the first place.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment on his features being bird-like.

“I don’t think I should tell you, I feel as if you might use such knowledge against me.” He crossed his arms thoughtfully.

William narrowed his eyes and found a rare playful half smile in his face. “ _Really?_ Well now you have me curious.”

William hummed thoughtfully and walked around Sebastian, looking him up and down playfully.

“ _Ravens like collecting shiny things, don’t they?”_

Perhaps this could be something Sebastian would want to keep secret. William thought, did he have anything shiny on him? He may still have that pen with the shiny cap in his pocket… ah! Yes!

He reached into his pocket, looking at Sebastian coyly as the other demon watched his hand disappear into a pocket and pull out the pen.

To his absolute delight, Sebastian’s gaze was immediately focused and interested on it.

“Nice pen, isn’t it?” William asked with mock innocence.

Sebastian narrowed his gaze, eyes flicking to William, jaw locked as if trying to resist some sort of temptation.

“I suppose…” He said through clenched teeth, almost hissing.

“Do you want it?” William chirped in reply.

The demon seemed to loose his battle with himself and tried to grab it at William’s mere mentioning of offering it to him, William held it out of Sebastian’s reach in delight, earning a scowl from the other man.

“…What do you want for it?” Sebastian asked.

William hummed. What to ask for in return for his pen?

Make me a coffee, done in a way you think I’d like and I’ll hand it over.” William suggested, deciding to use this as a test on how insistent Sebastian would be on obtaining something shiny.

Sebastian grumbled and hurried off in an instant. This was _too_ priceless. Sebastian was right, he was absolutely going to exploit this. Perhaps it was impish of him, but well… it was amusing seeing Sebastian convinced into doing a task simply for something shiny.

Sebastian returned after several minutes of leaving William toying with the pen in his hand, carrying a nice smelling brew of coffee in a mug in hand. William knew drinking such a thing would do nothing for him anymore, but he still enjoyed the smell and the taste, that hadn’t changed.

He took the mug, and handed the pen over to Sebastian as per their little deal. Sebastian immediately took the pen and admired it in the light before pocketing it. William had the odd thought of thinking it was _cute_ , but pushed that to the side of his mind.

“Do you have a collection of shiny things?” William asked curiously.

“Indeed…” Sebastian admitted. “Quite a large one actually.”

“Curious, I’d be interested in seeing it some time.”

Sebastian chuckled. “Perhaps I’ll show it off to you eventually.”

William took a sip of the coffee, he realized it had a strong taste of chocolate to it as well, with perhaps a hint of caramel.

“I noticed how you enjoyed the biscuits upon your arrival, and how much sugar you put in your tea when offered, so I guessed you may have a sweet tooth.” Sebastian explained, bouncing on his heels slightly as he folded his arms behind his back proudly.

“You… would be right.” William admitted bashfully “That’s awfully observant of you.”

Sebastian laughed. “I may not understand human emotions from time to time, but, well, in this case, it’s all in a days work of being one hell of a butler.” He ended with a small half bow with his hand placed over his chest.

William shook his head at the demon’s catch phrase. “You’re ridiculous.” He concluded before enjoying he rest of his coffee. Feeling soothed and at ease for the time being completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are Seb and Will starting to fall for each other? Yes, Yes they are.


End file.
